The Sting of the Second Arrow

The first arrow is pain. The second arrow is the suffering we add to it.

Be aware of the pain of the second arrow, for with it comes darkness and despair. 

With its origin in Buddhism, the Second Arrow parable claims that anytime one suffers a misfortune, two arrows fly. Being struck by the first arrow is painful. But being hit by the second arrow, the self-inflicted one, can be more devastating. 

This analogy is a teaching tool for healing mental disorders.

As the story goes, judgments and narratives of shame, guilt and loss often accompany slings of a first arrow. These vitriolic thoughts grab hold, (the second arrow) such as I’m a loser, no one likes me, I’m not good enough, and a biochemical reaction is triggered.

First, there is a surge in the fight-or-flight neuro chemicals, cortisol and  adrenaline, then a decrease in the good-mood neurochemicals, serotonin and dopamine. The impact: agitation and stress. 

If one gives attention to this second arrow of angst, the body will habituate to this fear pattern; thus the adage, “neuro chemicals that fire together, wire together.” This filtering leads to a rumination of distorted thinking and emotional dysregulation. 

While the second arrow parable is associated with Buddhism and dates to 2500 years ago, the early Greek philosophy of Stoicism introduced a comparable directive. 

The dichotomy of control, a tenet of Stoicism, admonishes one to be mindful of what is under one’s control and what is not. The Stoic says no one can control the slinging of the first arrow. But, how one responds to the slinging is under one’s control.

The Stoic handbook on virtue, The Enchiridion, written by Epictetus cites: some things are up to us, some things are not. And what upsets people is not the things themselves, but the judgment about them. 

Stoicism and Buddhism suggest minimizing the effect of the arrow’s slung by detaching from the pain of the first arrow, but Chrisitainity, offers another interpretation into this parable.

Biblical scriptures emphasize trusting in God through prayer to replace the woes of anxiety and fear. 

2 Corinthians focuses on the momentary afflictions shifting from the pain of the first arrow to that of ultimate higher purpose.

Philippians 4.6.7 encourages freedom from anxiety by replacing a second arrow of panic and despair with prayer and God’s peace. 

One can detach and or pray for absolution from the effect of the second arrow, however, keeping that arrow at-bay is easier said than done.

Some strategies 

Desiree Andersen, in the blog GR Therapy Group in 2021 says, In life we can’t always control the first arrow. Reaction to it, the second arrow, is optional. And it’s one’s choice to respond or not.

Andersen suggests catching the second arrow when it's slung. Ask, is this a first arrow or the second arrow? Congratulate yourself for a job well done in distinguishing between the two.

Toni Bernhard, JD, writing in Psychology Today in 2026, believes reframing, (viewing negative situations differently) helps ease the trauma of the second arrow. 

She says carrying the second arrow implies catastrophizing over spilt milk. “Start reminding yourself that unpleasant experiences are a part of life.”

To avoid self loathing, move from self blame of being in pain, to not- over reacting, to observation of those feelings, then to a curiosity about what those feelings mean. 

Given that life throws the unexpected out all the time, when little disappointments and frustrations occur, practice not catastrophizing about them and tell yourself not to place the second arrow in your quiver. 

To ease the effect of the second arrow’s biochemical reaction a common Cognitive Behavior approach is to: Catch it, asking what is this emotion I’m feeling. Check it with breathing exercises, and mindfulness to lower the cortisol. Then, Challenge your thinking with the next right thing to do.

The new waves of psychotherapy, like CBT and ACT have added their special nuances about the ‘how’s to’s’ of not tying-up the mind. But these Elixirs have been around for millennia. One only has to look to the sutras, the scriptures and in philosophies like Stoicism, to find their magic sweetness.