Hanging Onto Time-Past / Mindful Detachment for Healing

In his classic poem, Waste Land, T.S. Elliot contemplates whether the past can be retrieved or re-experienced. 

In an earlier essay, I related that despite the implications of that poem we often hold onto the little and big traumas from time-past and carry them into time-present. 

The Whys of carrying the hauntings are many. Hooking onto them is called perseveration. 

Defined, perseveration is when someone gets stuck on a topic,idea or event and can’t let go. Brooding, reflection, intrusive thinking and deliberate rumination (trying to solve something) are the differing ways people perseverate.  

A person finds themselves triggered by something internal or external, then gets on the hamster wheel unable to get off until the thought fizzles out. 

There are some antidotes about how to Let Go: Don't sweat the small stuff. It’s all small stuff. Instead of letting go, let it Be. Let come what comes. Let go of what goes. And see what comes.

Let go or be dragged. Smile, breathe, go slowly.

In the mental health industry where toolboxes of techniques are standard protocols, simple affirmations don’t go the distance in most therapy circles. There are a plethora of self help books with ‘Letting Go’ in their titles offering formulaic acronyms of how one can rid themselves of the goblins and live better, if but you…….. 

Danish psychologist, Pia Callesen, author of Live More,Think Less simplifies letting-go of woes: don't get on that preservation train. Once you get on it’s difficult to deboard. Believing one has to consult some toolbox only implies something is broken. Seeking tools to get rid of anxiety, is the opposite of what is needed. For it's a bit like pulling a little wagon of incantations just in case you are triggered.  

As a therapist who offers counseling and training in Meta Cognitive Therapy, (MCA), which is a novel brand of treatment, Callesen says the art of letting-go can be found in detachment from the self.

Loosely defined, detachment is the process of stepping aside from oneself and leaving the woeful thought alone; Letting it be, to Let it Go. Detachment is not a tool to get rid of your haunting thoughts. It is passive in the sense it does not suggest doing something to deflect yourself away from the troubled thought.You become the observer of You.You Do nothing. 

A client does not need to analyze whether their thinking falls into the myriad of distortions as found in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, CBT books, asking, is there evidence for that or this? Analyzing only perpetuates perseverance, and only leads to more investigation, thus more perseveration.

That said, analyzing has its place and purpose, but when a haunting surfaces, listening to sounds and being with the environment allows for a calm-stillness in, what Is. Engaging in constructive tasks, while forgoing the need to chase obsession away, allows one to move in forward-motion, despite the feeling.  

 Mark Tyrell who runs the podcast Uncommon Therapy offers a complimentary antidote to hanging on, through the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept things I can’t change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Abbreviated: Let Go. Let God. 

First introduced by a protestant theologian in the 1930’s and used as the foundation of AA treatment, that prayer’s conceptual framework dates back to Stoicism and Epictetus who supposedly coined: It is not the thing that upsets one, but the meaning of the thing. 

Introduced as the dichotomy of control 2000 years ago, Stoicism suggests before going there, ask what is within your control. If a concern is not within your control, forget about it.

Whether Tyrell is a follower of Stoicism or not, his video, entitled The Art of Letting Go offers both a Stoic and Buddhist approach to better mental health when getting stuck on the past. He says to embrace paradoxically impermanence of all things, and accept that in a blink of the eye, all passes. Likewise, your goblins will pass too. 

Ultimately, all persons have to let go of their loves, their belongings, their life. Not an uplifting proposition for the mind that clings, but a reality. 

The British psychologist, Paul Gilbert and creator of Compassion Focused Therapy says, always be your best friend. There might be no sure fire way to stop a preservative thought from hooking onto the moment. Many people are predisposed to such negativity. But beating up oneself for going there is not useful. I shouldn’t be preserverating! That is a double whammy. 

Gilbert says when fixated with preservative thoughts, it is useful to return or develop a soothing state of mind. Accepting oneself as a human, who gets anxious, and not making the haunting thoughts so relevant, abets letting go. 

Thinking patterns are hard to shake and are shaped early. We see the world through our prism, which relates to our nature and our nurturing.   

But when goblins of time-past visit, let them be, accept them as part of your humanness and don’t buy that ticket for a train ride with them. 

#Mindful detachment for healing